More notes from the Fake War On Christmas

Tis the season to be bat-crap crazy. If you need more evidence, here is a little bit of insanity from one of the Stepford commentators over on Fox.

Fox News host flips over atheist holiday display: ‘Baby Jesus is behind the Festivus pole!’ (via Raw Story )

Fox News host Gretchen Carlson on Tuesday lashed out at atheists in Florida for putting up a Festivus display next to a Christian display at the state Capitol building. Last week, Gov. Rick Scott’s (R) office approved a request to install a Festivus…

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The Age of Miracles Has Not Passed

Caffeine You Can Breathe | Flyby | The Harvard Crimson

What? Seriously? If you are so tired you can't lift a coffee cup perhaps it's time for a nap Sparky! Previously I have posted about bacon air so the idea of people buying an inhaler that dispenses caffeine is not that much of a stretch. There seems to be a big need for every day consumables that wire you to the point you grind your teeth instead of getting off your ass and stop texting and going to sleep.

If everything predicted in science fiction came true, by now we'd all be riding around in our personal hovercrafts, vacationing on Mars, and taking a pill instead of eating three meals a day. Biomedical Engineering Professor David A. Edwards' new invention sounds like it's moving us one step closer ...

So Funny it's Scarey!

The 30-Second Bunnies Theater Library

Angry Alien Productions: 30-Second Bunnies Theatre and other cartoons.... in which a troupe of bunnies parodies a collection of movies by re-enacting them in 30 seconds, more or less..

Let's face facts, nobody has the time or attention span to watch long marathon viewing of our movie favorites. We have lives and shit to do! But There is a solution to this modern problem. Angry Alien Productions has distilled all those favorite films down into 30 second doses we can gobble up like an all you can eat shrimp buffet. This site is the motherlode of whackiness.

For your Halloween viewing pleasure see 30 Days of Night, Alien, The Birds, Evil Dead II, The Exorcist, Freaks, and Freddy vs. Jason.

The selection includes: Back to the Future, The Big Chill, Borat, Brokeback Mountain, Caddyshack, Casablanca, A Christmas Story, Christmas Vacation, A Clockwork Orange, Die Hard, Fight Club, Gone With the Wind, and Goodfellas.

Lithuanian Men's Day Race Inflates Male Self Esteem

Men in Lithuania took to the water with sex dolls in a race to mark “National Men's Day”. The inflatable dolls were used as “rafts”, and made for a sight on the Neris river in the capital Vilnius. While “National Men's Day” is not officially recognized in Lithuania, organizer of the race, radio program director Mindaugas Stasiulis said an online survey showed that men in Lithuania felt the need to have a day dedicated to them.

“We did a survey on the internet and all voters said that they needed to celebrate such a day. Therefore, today a race between men swimming on inflatable dolls on the river, the 'Barracuda 2011' is to be held, and we will see who will be the fastest,” he said before the race started.

Only 20 men out of the 200 who registered to take part in the event, were chosen to take part in the 220 kilometer race. The mood of those who did not make the cut frustrated and their race partners were best describe as feeling seriously deflated.

Liudas Pestininkas was the first to cross the finish line, accompanied by his inflatable doll “Vaida”. When asked about his doll he stated: “Vaida was a very good girl, and only listens to me. She is cool. Other participants don't have dolls as cool as mine”.

Elvis Saves Memphis From The Zombie Horde

That was not what happened but it sounded good.

I was drinking my morning coffee and watching the morning news when there was a report on a zombie parade which took place in Memphis Tennessee yesterday. After checking my supply of shotgun shells, can goods chain mail anti shark bite suit, steel gauntlets, helmet and Kevlar athletic cup, I calmed down and searched Da Google To my horror I discovered this has been going on around the world for many years now (Now laugh at me when I am on a soapbox telling all who will listen about the conspiracy surrounding the coming Zombie Apocalypse. I mean... really! Why else would they invent peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in a can?)

Oh, what the hell was I thinking? It looks like it was a food drive to help feed tornado victims. Always a good cause and a good way to get a dry run avoiding zombie mob without losing your parts in the coming future. Whew I have talked myself down from the ledge and ready do whatever in the hell I was going to do before I frightened myself.

Zombie walk

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A zombie walk (also known as a zombie mob, zombie march, zombie horde, zombie lurch, zombie shamble, zombie shuffle or zombie crawl) is an organized public gathering of people who dress up in zombie costumes. Usually taking place in an urban center, the participants make their way around the city streets and through shopping malls to a public space (or a series of taverns in the case of a zombie pub crawl) in a somewhat orderly fashion.

Attack of the Killer Watermelons

I was watching a local news program and saw this story. It was too weird to go without comment.

The bad news is field after field of watermelons are exploding on farms in eastern China. So far, the exploding watermelons have been localized around Danyang City in China's Jiangsui province. The good news is China has taken the lead in the development of weaponized fruit. It appears to be a case of overuse of the growth chemical forchlorfenuron. The melons were exploding in a cloud of flying pips, pink pulp and shards of rind. An investigation has been launched to find the exact cause of this fruity mayhem, however Gallagher was unavailable for comment, just stating he had an alibi.

About 20 farmers around Danyang city in Jiangsu province were affected, losing up to 115 acres (45 hectares) of melon. A CCTV report described the watermelons as "land mines" and said they were exploding by the acre (hectare) in the Danyang area.

You Just Can't Make This Stuff Up

The 11 best unintentionally sexual church signs. [from someecards.com]

These inadvertently erotic billboards spotted outside various places of worship look like the work of some extremely naive — or severely repressed — church employees. Luckily, those of us who've already double-stamped our tickets to Hell are physically incapable of overlooking a dick joke. Here are some of our favorite cases of "That's what He said." Let us know if you've seen any others. (Via Reddit, Holy Taco, other places)

Bacon Air?!?!?

Wow the perfect gift for that baconholic in your life. I agree when they state "Everything should taste like bacon". However This may be a bridge too far.I can see a future of strung out bacon-huffers at freeway entrance ramps with signs reading "I'LL WORK FOR BACON!"

Description

Three years ago, we made a much healthier bacon delivery mechanism called Bacon Salt. It’s a zero calorie, zero fat, vegetarian, kosher and low sodium seasoning that makes everything taste like bacon –to many, it was Bacon 2.0.

Since then, our team of research scientists has been working hard on making the next leap to Bacon 3.0. We started with an intense brainstorming and ideation session with some of the foremost minds in science, technology, nutrition, sports, marketing and the arts. The questions during this all-day session were open-ended and thought-provoking, such as:

1. How can we use bacon to help people lead healthier lives?
2. Why is bacon so delicious?
3. How can bacon be used to promote world peace?
4. Can bacon be used as an alternative fuel source?
5. What if bacon was lighter than air?

It was that last question that got the dialogue really going and led to another seemingly ridiculous question – what if bacon was air? After all, oxygen is the most important nutrient to the cells in your body, and plays an integral role in almost every bodily function. And bacon is the most delicious of meats.

Was combining these two elements possible or even advisable? Fortunately, the answer was yes on both counts. Studies have shown that inhaling pure oxygen can boost energy, fight disease, increase mental focus, enhance sexual and/or sports performance, and increase mental alertness as well as save lives. After all, you can live for weeks without food or days without water, but only a few minutes without oxygen.